I’m sure many of us set resolutions or goals every time the new year rolls around. The moment December is over you are thinking about the new year, you are motivated and committed to accomplish all these goals in the coming year. Eventually though, life happens and then it just remains a list you made in the month of January. Is it really so difficult to achieve goals?
I’ve been in two situations, There are days when I dread the activity to setting goals and days when I decide to change my life and list all that I want to achieve. To be fair to myself, I used to do my best try to stick to the plan for as long I can yet eventually would give up. In the last few years though, I had time on my hands and was fortunate enough to try and test various approaches, read and re-read a few books and blogs, finished a few courses to see what other people are talking about setting goals, Ultimately I came away with an approach that “Works for Me”. I’ve been constantly applying and refining this approach for a few years now. In this post I am sharing not only this with you.
What is Goal Setting?
Goal setting is an exercise or activity through which you define a set of goals for yourself with a concrete plan that you aim to accomplish within the timeframe you define. By intentionally thinking about your goals and putting them into an actionable plan you prepare yourself to realise your dreams.
These are the 6 steps I follow for goal setting –
1. Reflect
Firstly, I’m going to say that each of these steps are important steps and that’s true for the first one obviously. In the mayhem we call life, we forget how far we have come. All the accomplishments that we already have under our belt. It’s crucial to take some time out and reflect on all that we achieved. Whether you are doing this for just past year or you are assessing your whole life, this activity will put you in a great state of realisation and peace. When I did this exercise a few years ago. I was reflecting on my past.
If you need an example of self-deprecating behaviour, I mad a list of all the things I wish I had done better, missed opportunities etc. I came up with that list, but was mind blown to see the “Other List” that emerged from this exercise. All the things I had accomplished. How far I’d come since I started. So my strong advice is, get a nice cup of tea / coffee or matcha and with an objective mind, sit down to list all the dreams you fulfilled already. Like me, even if you start on a negative note, you won’t regret it. Be kind to yourself anyway. These are some examples of the various areas of our life –
- Career, studies
- Financial
- Personal life – Travel, hobbies
- Relationships
- Health and wellbeing
- Spiritual
Here are some of the questions that might help you think through this phase.
- What were my dreams a year ago/ a few years ago / when I was a kid?
- What did I want to become?
- What did I want to learn?
- What experiences did I want to gain?
- Which places did I want to travel?
- What skill I wanted to develop?
- How is my relationship with my parents / spouse / friends / family?
- Did I have a health goal?
2. Gratitude
Many studies show that people who practice gratitude tend to be happier than those who do not. Practicing gratitude not only puts you in a positive frame of mind, it also stops you from thinking negative thoughts. A recent study shows that compared to just positive emotions, when there’s a decrease in the negative emotions is when you start to see improvement in mental health. The basic principle of practicing gratitude is to be grateful for what you have, people who knowingly or unknowingly helped you in some way and any other thing you are thankful for.
Even if you don’t actually communicate your thanks to the intended person, you still reap the benefits from this exercise. I mention this because it helped me a great deal as I was focused on all the negatives in my life. By just changing my outlook for a few minutes a day, I broke the cycle of focusing on negativity around me and rather paid attention to what was positive. Especially, while thinking about my vision and goals, it helped to account for what was good and working.
3. Let go of negative feelings / experiences
Evidently, your state of mind plays a key role in decision making. Like me, if you struggle with low self-esteem and self-criticism for not achieving your targets. This is the pivotal step to move from not achieving to fulfilling your dreams. Sounds like a big statement? Well it is and it’s true. (Has been at least for me). In my case, I held on to a negative self-image and sense of failure and almost believed that I won’t ever achieve anything.
I have a loving husband and a handful but supportive friends. On the other side of the family though, there’s always been a sort of disconnect. The divide grew so big last few years that it overwhelmed me and consumed me. I was shocked at every interaction and felt more alone than ever. I’d always thought myself to be very strong and couldn’t fathom that others’ behaviour affected me so much. I started getting panic attacks, I’d cry myself to sleep each night, and became frail physically and emotionally. I knew, I had to come out of this stage and teach myself to shield myself from the hostility. Thank god for counselling and books! I sought professional counselling and that really helped. Books have always been on my side, and this time was no exception. I’ve talked about these and other books in my previous posts as well.
Once you’ve successfully cleansed yourself of the negativity surrounding you from outside and inside. (Well almost ;)) This is the time when you are ready to plan your future. You have the motivation and commitment to set sail into the future.
4. Plan for the future
Big life dreams – Can dreams come true? Well of course they can! Realistically speaking a lot of dreams that we think about and wish we’ll do someday, can and do come true. Like if you want to learn to play that guitar, go scuba diving or lose 10 k.g., read more books, become a coder, and the list goes on. Yes we can actually make these dreams come true. The trick is to first of all take them seriously and start with turning these dreams into goals. Here’s what will work –
a) List all your dreams
List all the dreams, big and small that you have on mind. Yes you need to put these in writing. You do that on a computer or with pen and paper it’s upto you. Studies show that people are 30% more likely to achieve goals if they actually write them down. It starts becoming real once you write it down. Don’t care about how long the list gets. Don’t think about how impossible the dream sounds. Just put everything on paper. It’ll feel amazing to see the list physically in front of you. Some of the questions that will help you think about it –
Start with how do you see your life in 5, 10 or 20 years from now.
- How do you see yourself as a person?
- What do you see yourself doing?
- Where do you see yourself living?
- What all do you want to have accomplished in 5, 10, 20 years’ time?
- What kind of relationship you want to have with your family, spouse, your children and friends?
Take your time and put everything on the list. Warren Buffet says once you have the list choose 5 most important ones on the list and throw the rest. You can do that or you can keep that someplace else. But yes, choose what those top 5 items that are most important to you.
One of the ways to inspire yourself to not only see the written goals is to create a vision board. Do you want to buy that car? Keep a picture of it in front of you. Do you want to buy that house, travel to a specific location? Get a visual in front of you. Keep it somewhere you look at on a daily basis for inspiration.
b) Yearly goals
Take the top 5 goals from the first exercise. For each of these 5 goals list what would you like to achieve this year against each of these goals. This is the time when you need start making these actionable and measurable. For example if by the end of the year you would like to get a promotion. Write down the position you would like to have by next year. What exactly is the designation. And give it a date, that is realistic and aligns with the appraisal / promotion cycle of your organisation. A goal could say – I would like to be the Assistant Vice President Sales in the next appraisal cycle (by March 2024)
Once you have that written it down, it will become real and you would start thinking about what you need to do to get there. That’s the idea. Make sure it is realistic, achievable and measurable. If you plan to run a marathon by the year end and if you’ve never run in your life then it might not be realistic, but do you think you can set a goal for half marathon or a 10 k? One of the key terms we hear about goals is SMART. Which in essence talks about the same thing. It stands for –
- Specific
- Measurable
- Achievable
- Realistic
- Timed
Some more examples for SMART goals
- Build a test automation framework for open source using python by November 2023.
- Play album ‘Sway’ by Michael Buble’ on guitar on an open stage for Christmas party 2023.
c) Monthly, weekly and daily targets and habits
This is the stage when you break it down further. If you would like to run a half marathon this year, how much do you need to practice in a month. What else do you need to do? What daily habits would you like to build in order to achieve your goal? Does that mean you need to have a routine? Would you need to work out a few days a week? How much time will you need to spend in a week to learn a new skill? As you break it down to the weekly and daily level, the goal will not seem impossible to achieve. You’ll see that you can put in one hour in a week to learn to play guitar. Some of the books that helped me prioritise, plan and organise my life are –
Any approach you take, the idea is to deal with the clutter in your head and on your work table to help you think clearly and free up space to ideate and act. If there are top 2 examples that helped me organise myself better these are –
- The time management matrix from 7 habit of highly effective people – It helps you focus on things that contributes to your mission, values and high priority goals.
- From GTD – When you make a list of things to do, if something takes 2 minutes or less, do it right away.
5) Stick to the plan
Above all, it’s crucial to stick to the task you set for yourself on a daily basis. It helps you immensely to boost your self-confidence. One of the habits I wanted to build was to do some sort of workout every day. Now like many of us in the initial phase I was pumped up and went to the gym or go for a run for the first few days. For me it’s the rest days that break the momentum and it’s difficult to get back to the routine.
So, for the days, I felt lethargic, I convinced myself, I’ll do it only for a few minutes and not the whole hour and I got dressed and went for that walk. Amazingly more often than not, I continued for the whole hour. There were days when I did not finish the whole hour, but I did not criticise myself because it was still better than not doing it.
I felt incredibly proud of myself for sticking to the plan and task I had given myself. It motivated me to continue with my plan and gave me an example of not giving up next time I felt the same way.
6) Track progress
Lastly, keep a track of the progress you are making against each of these goals. I created a tracker to track all the daily habits I wanted to build. Ticking the box everyday and seeing the progress grow from weeks to months to years is a great way to keep you motivated and first you are happy that you are sticking to the promise you made yourself and soon you start to see results. You can make a manual tracker yourself or there are a number of apps available with smart watches or phones to help you track your habits.
One of the goals I had was to gain a few pounds. Yes, contrary to many I’ve had a challenge in putting on weight, I wanted to make sure I am building habits that help me gain muscle and mass. I was elated to see the initial results as soon as in 2 months. If I wasn’t tracking my habits of drinking water, eating right food and workout, I would have given up in a few days and wouldn’t carry on even for 2 months to start seeing progress.
Final thoughts
All in all, goal setting is not a terrifying activity. If you learn to trust yourself and break it down to manageable chunks nothing seems impossible. (Well almost :)) There are things that we keep putting on back burner due to lack of time and other excuses we give ourselves. If we identify what’s really important to us and what’s stopping us to get there, a plan is not hard to chalk out. With that note I wish you all a very Happy new year! Go and achieve all you set out for in 2023. 🙂
Until next week, ciao!
