This was one of those weekends, when my husband and I had some time to just relax and talk. We were preparing for our upcoming trip to Belgium for Formula 1 race. (My husband is the fan and the geek here, I’m just a spectator) We started discussing about how we picked up interests and things we did before we met each other. If I recall my 20 year old self was brimming with confidence, I thought I had figured it all out and I just needed the independence to follow my dreams. Hahaha Life had other plans! 🙂 I am proud of so many things I did and choices I made and many that I wish I didn’t. Of course I have been learning all this while, the important lessons life has been teaching me.
The girl in the picture above is in her 20s and to her first trip to the UK. I wish I could hug that girl and tell her things that would make her life easier. 🙂 Well, that’s not gonna happen! So, I thought to share it here, and maybe some 20 year olds now could benefit from it 🙂 Well here’s my advice –
1. Continue your formal learning – it’s never too late
I graduated a Science, Mathematics bachelor and wanted to pursue post- graduation in business management. Due to many reasons, I could not at the time and resolved to do it later. As it happens I gave priorities to other things and people than sticking to my plans and goals. I kept thinking it was too late now.
It’s never too late to follow what you want to follow. Do not let other things and people take over your biggest goals. It’s never too late to get the education you wanted, the degree you craved. Figure out a way to continue to support yourself and get that education. It’s true life teaches the biggest lessons, but formal education broadens your horizons. So go get that business management degree, learn about psychology, history and writing. It will open up doors you didn’t know existed. When Steve Jobs was not sure about college, he still would go everyday and instead of the course he was enrolled for attend the ones he found interesting at the moment. Like Calligraphy. What he didn’t know then was that will become the inspiration for fonts when he founded Apple.
2. Friends will come and go
Growing up in an emotionally disconnected family, friends were extremely important to me. There are many things about life I wouldn’t have learned if not for friends. Yet I would not believe how many of us lose touch or grow apart. I certainly don’t regret the time I spent with my friends, those are some of my most beautiful memories I will cherish all my life. Yet it’s difficult to lose friends. It’s as painful as a break up. It’s not about having many friends but knowing who the good ones are and even then not completely becoming dependent on them.
3. Relationships are important – Not enough to sacrifice your life and career goals
Its not just friends, we are connected with a weave of relationships in our lifetime. Whether it’s our family or men. It’s important to invest in right relationships. Of course, its difficult to foresee that from the beginning. I spent most of my 20s and even. 30s feeling guilty and giving too much of myself to these relationships. It’s important to keep enough space for your priorities as well. It’s good to be the sounding board and showering people with gifts and most importantly your time. I didn’t realise the value of my time and efforts until I saw a series of disappointments. No matter how much you spend, you cannot control the value others will see in it. Value your time and spend it on what’s important to you. The smiles you see today will turn into scorns the moment you give yourself priority.
4. Enjoy life, go out with friends, be open to experiences, you are too young to judge people
This will be a shocker, but yes, I spent a lot of time holed up and worried sick about how to make some people happy. While ignoring other friends. 20s are the time to explore and experience. To soak in everything the world has to offer. It’s important to pay attention to your duties and focus on relationships. There are other people and a world of things to explore. Every experience teaches you, changes you and helps you grow.
5. Travel – ain’t no experience like travel
If it’s not clear from the previous point, I didn’t trust very many people and I was too busy judging them. I spent most of my day offs in doing back and forth to my family home. It’s not until my thirties that I started travelling. Start sooner if you can and really travel. Live in hostels, even if you can afford to stay in a 5-star. Meet new people, make new friends. What you learn when you travel cannot be explained in words. Until you’ve seen different places and met different people from various backgrounds and cultures, you are going on with your life with blinkers on.
6. Health is most important – have your meals, work out
Yes, I really did not pay attention to my health. Did I skip meals? Ate junk food? Had too much coffee? Skipped workout? Skipped sleeping altogether? Yes to all of the above. Days when I have lived on just cups and cups of coffee, without a morsel and without a wink were more common than the normal ones. I was practically just running on adrenaline. I see it now how much disservice I did to my body.
No deadline is too important, no friend or boyfriend or family feud is too important to avoid meals. Especially if it’s a regularly occurring phenomenon. Paying attention to health in your 20s will pay you dividends in your later years. Have a healthy meal, learn cooking and work out. The hormones released during your workout will make any disappointment go away. Take your time with sleep. Your body only recovers and heals itself, during the hours of sleep.
7. Save – it will be your friend when no one else is
Did I say I was spending a lot of my time on family and friends? Well it wasn’t just my time. 🙂 I still love the joy of gifting and doing something nice for people. The surprise and smile when you get something for someone is priceless! Is it though?
That smile will fade away with time and expectations will continue to grow. You’d be foolish if you don’t save something for a rainy day. Learn about saving and investment. Become financially educated. You will become old one day, you will have bigger expenses and responsibilities. Prepare yourself for that now. You’ll be better equipped to help others and yourself.
8. Find people you respect in your field as your mentors
I’ve been a shy person when it comes to asking for help. I did not discover the benefit of this until my late 30s. Find successful people in your field of interest. People you admire and would like to learn from. Enlist for their help and advice. Not just 20s I wish I had followed it since school. There are people around you with a lot of practical experience. You will gain from their experience and it’s always good to have a sounding board to share your ideas and questions.
9. Life is not fair – but – there’s no better alternative
A few years ago I was going through a difficult time and my very senior colleague showed a quote in his cabin – “life is not fair”. True isn’t it? Life is not fair yet there’s no better alternative. 🙂 You will be disappointed, you will be shocked and get cheated on. People you trust will betray you and friends will become strangers. With all of this, life still is beautiful. What seems the end of the world today will seem trivial tomorrow. Just remind yourself “this too shall pass” and get on with your life.
10. Start on your dreams sooner, don’t wait to be perfect, just do it
As a kid I wanted to play badminton that I couldn’t pursue at the time. I made a note to do it later. I wanted to pursue post grad and I couldn’t, so I made a note to do it later. Painting, writing, learning a new language, travelling, there are a lot of things that I made a note to do later. I was resolved to do it one day. You will be surprised to know how many years, even decades go away before that day actually arrives. I thought about starting a blog for over a decade before I actually did it. I kept waiting for the right time, until I knew more and so on.
Don’t wait for circumstances to be perfect. Don’t wait until you are good enough, just don’t wait and start. Just start and you will learn on the way and it will probably less perfect than you imagined, yet I guarantee it will be better than you feared.
11. Learn a new language
If you’ve not done this in your teenage, do this in your 20s. You are young enough to pick it up quicker. A language is not just a language, it’s a door to another world. A new culture and nuances, a different outlook to life and what it means. Learn a language for different places you would like to travel to. What you experience about the local culture is different when you speak their language.
12. Read
This will always be my favourite. I have always enjoyed reading and there’s never enough time for it. I was talking to my husband yesterday that when I moved out of my house in my 20s I didn’t buy a TV for 12 years until I met him and he bought it for us. 🙂 I’ve always enjoyed the company of books. Yet I could have read more. Even without television, I had my laptop and office deadlines and other things that kept me away from books. Read even if you don’t like it. Read more and more and about varied genres and different cultures. Here are more posts about books.
13. Let go
This has been most difficult for me. I tend to stay detached with most things, but when I find a connection, it’s always been difficult for me to let go. Whether it’s giving my 100% to a relationship or recovering from a bad experience. What I have learned very late is, holding on to anger and disappointments only makes it harder for you. You are only extending your suffering by sticking with it.
You will make mistakes, you will disappoint people and people will disappoint you and it is okay. What you don’t see now is that it won’t matter in a few years and sometimes even days. Forgive people and yourself and move on.
I heard one of the funniest song years ago and it’s perfect. – The sunscreen song by Baz Luhrmann.
14. Say thank you more often
Yes. I certainly could have done more of it. I still wish I had told my then boss, how grateful I was for the opportunity. I just assumed he knew. Say thank you to people who did something nice for you, to people who gave their time and gave you a chance. Not a fleeting thank you. A genuine, heartfelt thank you that will tell them how much it meant for you.
15. Take more pictures
I don’t think I need to tell today’s 20 year olds to take more pictures. 🙂 I include this here because when I look back I didn’t take enough pictures in my 20s. I have my memories and experiences with me. I just don’t have enough pictures of them though. For this post also I had to search really hard to find a few I could share. So my advice is, not just the selfies, but when you are in a moment you would like to remember, perhaps pause for a second and take a picture. Just for a moment though as making memories is more important still! 🙂
This is an ever evolving list that I’m sure I’ll keep adding to. 🙂
Until next week! Ciao!
