Are you constantly beating yourself up and overwhelmed with a feeling of not able to cope with the pressure? Do you either doubt yourself all the time or reminiscing about the past when you did not feel this way? You feel like you are stuck in a rut and never coming out of it. Repeatedly struggling to check the boxes in your to-do list, always playing catch up. You feel like you are floating outside your body in every conversation you have. Blaming yourself for not doing enough and being lazy. Any or this feel similar? Then you probably are letting these negative beliefs and habits take control of your life.
1. Imposter syndrome
Imposter syndrome is a psychological occurrence in which you doubt your skills, talent, ability to do anything and are constantly worried about being perceived as a fraud. You feel anxious and are afraid of being caught. Research says that almost all human beings suffer with this feeling at some point or other. You need to pay particular attention though when you notice that you are feeling it more frequently. This feeling brings a cascade of emotions that are not helpful. In the beginning you might confuse this with humility. However when it starts to impact your self-worth and daily activities. You need to do something about it.
You feel it in varied degrees ranging from not feeling joy in what you achieve to completely being paralysed to take the next step ultimately reaching a state of burnout. It can come from a combination of factors i.e. family background, social pressure, sense of belonging and personality type. There are 5 types of Imposter Syndrome –
a. The perfectionist
These people do not like mistakes. Everything they touch should be completed with perfection. If they cook, it needs to be the best dish anyone made. If they are giving a presentation, it needs to be engaging, informative, educating in short mind blowing. As a result, they are dissatisfied with whatever they achieve. Nothing is ever at par.
Underlying emotion – fear of losing control
b. The superwoman/man/person
These people like to take on more and more responsibility. They like to show off how much they can accomplish. Someone who says yes to everything and don’t set realistic expectations. Willing to work overtime and take on others’ responsibilities. Happy to work on weekends on their own time.
Underlying emotion – Fear of taking time away for personal fulfilment
c. The natural Genius
This type thrives on getting things done quickly. If there’s a need for improvement or feedback it seems threatening to them. If they don’t get it right the first time, it’s as if they failed. Usually they follow a pattern of success, hence when they receive feedback or told to follow advice they feel insulted.
Underlying emotion – Same of failing
d. The Soloist
This type of syndrome shy away from asking for help. They will assume to take on everything by themselves and seek others help at the last minute creating confusion.
Underlying emotion – Shame in asking for help
e. The Expert
This type feels the compulsive need to have all the information and experience before taking on the job. If they are working on something new, they won’t take the first step before reading up and collecting all the knowledge they think they might need to get started. This way they end up losing a lot of time on tasks that could have been done in parallel.
Underlying emotion – Fear of inadequacy
What to do about it?
It will do you some good to know, there are more and more people who feel this way than you believe. You know the ones’ who seem to have got it all? Who look confident and charismatic? Yes, you will be surprised to know that Imposter Syndrome might be eating away at them just like it is at you. It might be a comforting feeling to know you are not alone in this. Now that you know you aren’t alone, what can you do about it?
I highly recommend to watch the ted talk by Amy cuddy about the importance of body language. She talks from her personal experience how she beat her imposter syndrome. It’s important to believe in yourself and be kind to yourself. No one has all the answers and no one is perfect. Everyone needs help and anything big is achieved by many people coming together. Negative beliefs like accusing yourself or doubting yourself are harmful for your mental health. Acknowledge when you feel this way and remind yourself to breath and focus on what you can do and the next action on the list.
2. Spotlight Effect
Are you constantly worried about what people are thinking about you? Then you might be suffering from spotlight effect. According to this phenomenon, people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they really are. For people who suffer with social anxiety the spotlight effect can be debilitating. It affects your ability to feel comfortable around other people. You might be convinced that everyone is noticing how you dress, eat or do any of the regular activity. This makes people overly self-conscious.
What to do about it?
Most of the time we know that our fear is irrational yet we are not able to do much about it. One of the advice from psychological health professional is to focus more on others ‘actual’ reactions to you rather than your internal feelings and fear. The more you notice the reactions to be not on the same lines as you feared the more you will be able to ward off the feeling of anxiety. If it is bothering you a lot than it will be good to get help from therapy.
3. Overthinking
Do you have non-stop circling thoughts? Thinking about a thousand scenarios in which something can go wrong? It can be worrying about what others might think of you to how you haven’t done things as expected to do. Are you usually told by people that you are overthinking this. They might be right. Overthinking is generally described as repetitive and unproductive thoughts. It can be a combination of ruminating about the past and worrying about the future. The ability to think is what differentiates humans from other species. Because of this ability we are able to solve problems, plan for the future and continue to evolve. However if you catch yourself thinking that does not result in anything productive, you might be stuck in a useless thought loop.
Overthinking can be about the past, the regrets about the decisions you made, the embarassing thing you said or mistake you made. It can be about the future both short and long term about a presentation you need to make or life goals you are worried you might not be able to achieve. Overthingking can also be about the present, your circumstances, personality type or identity. The bottom line is you fixate on things in a way that is not helping you.
Why overthinking is bad?
Since it is about thoughts that do not result in any positive action, it isn’t helpful. Constant overthinking negatively affects your decision making and overall can result in anxiety or depression. It affects your sleep and overall health and well-being.
What to do about it?
Like any other negative belief and habit the first thing you need to keep in mind is not to beat yourself about it. When you catch yourself overthinking, just acknowledge and take your attention to more positive thoughts. Try and focus on what is in your control and what’s one thing you can do right now. Relax and focus on your breathing. Practice mindfulness. There are various apps and videos that can help you with mindfulness. You can even go for therapy. If therapy is not something you’d like to start with, talk to people to trust and feel comfortable around. Spend time on things that bring you joy. In my post 5 ways to find motivation, you can see more ways to bring joy.
We are living in the age of technology and social media, whether we accept it or not, overuse of these is taking away the relationships and bonding we feel around family and friends. Reduce as much screen time you can and be in the physical company of people. Don’t let these negative beliefs and habits take over your life and peace of mind. Spend as much time as you can in nature and doing something with your hands. Ever since my childhood, I have moved around a lot and still seem to do that. This prevents me from feeling belonged. One thing that helps me with that is when I spend any time in garden taking care of plants. When I’m potting a plant, touching the soil and watering it. I think that’s somewhere close to laying down your roots.
On that note. I wish you combat these negative beliefs and habits and achieve all that brings you peace and joy.
Until next week! Ciao!
